Vulnerable

Had a bad day in school.

I was all prepared for my observation when I was told that I couldn't do it. No, no, no, I don't want to observe you today. I'll not go into details here but all I can say is that the negativity totally demoralised me. The first bell had rung and we were supposed to be in the hall for assembly but I just lost it. Went straight into the toilet and burst into tears. But I didn't allow it to last long. I wiped my face dry and headed into the hall with an expressionless face.

It's not fair. It's just not fair. My fellow trainee teachers have been voicing their injustice for me, but what can I do? Nothing.

Later on in the day, when I was telling the whole incident to Faith, tears of frustration just fell again. I really wanted to clear all the CT's observations by this week, so I can focus on the observations by my supervisor and Senior Coordinating Mentor next week. Why can't there be more flexibility and understanding there?

I just felt so crushed.

I rushed into the toilet once again and shut myself in a cubicle. I couldn't hold it in any longer. Just sat on the toilet bowl and cried my heart out. Thank God for Faith, who came in to check on me and to give me a warm hug.

I went for my next lesson less than 10 minutes later, and the moment I stepped into the class, I saw a curious expression on the face of one of my P3 boys.

From where he was seated, he asked, "Miss Chan, are you ill?"

[Because of the crying bout, my nose was red and my eyes were bloodshot, which is probably why he asked that question.]

"Yes, I'm not feeling very well. *faint smile* "

The same little boy came right up to me and asked,"Miss Chan, you're ill? Do you have the flu?" The concerned look never left his face.

Right at that moment, I felt my frustration and bad mood dissipate. My heart just melted.

I smiled at that little angel and assured him that I was alright.

I guess that's the magic of working with children.

At the end of the day, no matter how mischievous and disobedient they are, we know that they are harmless and innocent.

Sometimes, just sometimes, the kids make all these struggles, tears and fatigue worth it.

If only the adults could be more like them.

Regardless, it's Friday tomorrow. The end of yet another week.

Will be meeting my dear girls for supper tomorrow night, and Gordie darl will be home in less than a week's time (*crosses fingers* That's if they're not affected by the tai feng in Taiwan...). Will probably be heading out for a movie and lunch date with my darling sis this weekend too.

So many activities? Well, I've been going to work earlier and ending later everyday. A supposed 6-hours day is turning into a whole THIRTEEN hours in school every single day. I seriously need my life back. Not going to bother about everything else anymore. I don't ask for a Proficient or Excelling, just let me pass and I'll be happy. I don't dare to ask for more.